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A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a
car, with his hands at 10 and 2.
The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?"
Charlie replied" Can't talk right now I 'm driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the
nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stopped driving his imaginary car
and she asks "Well Charlie, how you doing?"
Charlie says "I'm exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some
rest."
"That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a safe trip."
The nurse leaves Charlie's room, and then goes across the hall into
another patients' room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating
vigorously.
Very surprised, she shouts "Ed what are you doing!? "
To which Ed replies, "Shhh, I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in
Chicago".
A couple was invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and hadpassionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life!!
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We all know when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of "U" and "Mption".
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like this hun??
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